➩ Sh*t My Dad Says Ebook ➯ Author Justin Halpern – Dailytradenews.co.uk

Sh*t My Dad Says chapter 1 Sh*t My Dad Says, meaning Sh*t My Dad Says, genre Sh*t My Dad Says, book cover Sh*t My Dad Says, flies Sh*t My Dad Says, Sh*t My Dad Says ab6b9f5d4b7c8 After Being Dumped By His Longtime Girlfriend, Twenty Eight Year Old Justin Halpern Found Himself Living At Home With His Seventy Three Year Old Dad Sam Halpern, Who Is Like Socrates, But Angrier, And With Worse Hair, Has Never Minced Words, And When Justin Moved Back Home, He Began To Record All The Ridiculous Things His Dad Said To Him That Woman Was Sexy Out Of Your League Son, Let Women Figure Out Why They Won T Screw You Don T Do It For Them Do People Your Age Know How To Comb Their Hair It Looks Like Two Squirrels Crawled On Their Heads And Started Fucking The Worst Thing You Can Be Is A Liar Okay, Fine, Yes, The Worst Thing You Can Be Is A Nazi, But Then Number Two Is Liar Nazi One, Liar Two More Than A Million People Now Follow Mr Halpern S Philosophical Musings On Twitter, And In This Book, His Son Weaves A Brilliantly Funny, Touching Coming Of Age Memoir Around The Best Of His Quotes An All American Story That Unfolds On The Little League Field, In Denny S, During Excruciating Family Road Trips, And, Most Frequently, In The Halperns Kitchen Over Bowls Of Grape Nuts, Sh T My Dad Says Is A Chaotic, Hilarious, True Portrait Of A Father Son Relationship From A Major New Comic Voice

10 thoughts on “Sh*t My Dad Says

  1. says:

    Let s see Is there any doubt at all in anyone s mind what the following words mean sh t, F ck, G d da n, m therf cker, etc Especially people who claim to be offended by bad words Are you any likely to be injured if I typed fuck instead of f ck There s this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it s just a silly word, an expression If you choose to be offended, that s your fucking problem normally, I wouldn t say that, but Ceridwen likes it OK, rant over.I preface my remarks about this book, because if you don t like those words, this book will really bug you It s filled with them And if you don t like it because of the words, I feel sorry for you It s a very funny book My wife and I listened to it extremely well read, with just the right inflections and expression by Sean Schemmel and laughed so hard in a couple of places, I almost drove off the road Justin s father was a doctor specializing in nuclear medicine his mother was going back to law school The story of when his father took little Justin to a lecture he was giving on thyroid cancer to a bunch of doctors is hysterical All Justin had to do was sit quietly in his seat in the auditorium for two hours Naturally, Justin got restless the Snickers bar his father gave him, lasted about 12 nanoseconds Justin decided to see if he could crawl on the floor underneath empty seats from the front to the back of the auditorium The result was predictably not what his father had hoped for Very funny.I suspect all of us fathers and grandfathers would love to have been like Justin s father who could say things like, I just want silence Jesus, it doesn t mean I don t like you It just means right now, I like silence Or the scene with the complaining father at Little League, or the teacher who didn t want to teach I could go on and on Delightful Get the audio.By the way, bullshit is a great word.

  2. says:

    Well, this was fun I actually liked I Suck at Girls a tad better, but I think it s because I read that one first And while Halpern s father is extremely funny, once you hear a few of his zingers the magic wears off a bit.The gist I think everyone already knows about this book and the Tweets that started it all I m pretty sure the blurb takes care of whatever curiosity most readers have, but if you re too lazy to read the blurb the short version is that Justin started Tweeting the shit his dad said.So, yeah.Halpern senior is smart funny, but I think the thing that everyone loves is the way he just says whatever he s thinking without caring about any social repercussions And the stuff he s saying isn t racist sexist homophobic, it s justhonest.Has it really become so rare for people to not sugarcoat the way they feel and think, that we find a book filled with Tweets like this amazing Yup.There isn t any sort of big Life Lesson here, just a humorous way to spend an afternoon But if you re one of those readers who just has to take a moral lesson away from everything you read, then here s what I took away from this one actions speak louder than words.Sure, Justin s dad cuts him and everyone else very little verbal slack But he was always there for him, believing in him, pushing him to be better, and loving him regardless.In the end, I hope I m judged on my actions and not my words, because God knows my kids could easily write something like this shudders

  3. says:

    On Today s Hairstyles Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking On Canine Leisure Time The dog is not bored It s not like he s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik s Cube He s a goddamned dog My father in law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern s dad, and although he didn t use the word fuck nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there Sh t My Dad Says has an interesting genesis Halpern started writing a Twitter page to record the shit his father said For a while, he had few followers Then one day I woke up to find a thousand people were following me The next day, ten thousand Then fifty thousand, two hundred, three hundred thousand Literary agents were calling, wanting to represent me The book is no heavyweight literally or figuratively It took me fewer than a couple hours to read 176 pages with not a lot of text , but made me laugh out loud frequently Halpern organizes the book with short quotations on particular topics such as the two at the beginning of this review followed by longer vignettes.Of the longer sections, Halpern s description of moving from his parents home in San Diego to L.A provides both humor and poignancy Halpern has no idea what to expect in L.A other than the characterization his father provides Los Angeles is like San Diego s older, uglier sister that has herpes Halpern moves to L.A to try to become a screenwriter His father is encouraging, Get ready for a fucking of biblical proportions, but supportive he offers to pay for Halpern s first three months of rent I figure, what s the fucking point in dying and leaving you money when you probably won t need it Might as well give it to you now when you need the help Plus, I plan on blowing most of it on stupid shit when I get senile.For all his gruffness, Halpern s father loves Justin unequivocally or nearly You always got us We re family We ain t going anywhere Unless you go on a fucking killing spree or something And, a couple gems On Being Teased So he called you a homo Big deal There s nothing wrong with being a homosexual No, I m not saying you re a homosexual Jesus Christ Now I m starting to see why this kid was giving you shit On Making a Christmas List You ranked the twenty five presents you want, in order of how much you want them Are you insane I said tell me what you want for Christmas, not make me a fucking college football poll.

  4. says:

    Politically incorrect, irreverent, with a liberal smattering of profanity, vulgar at times but oh so funny Probably many of us know someone just like Justin s dad, a truthful, no holds barred type of person but with a very big heart underneath A man who when it really counts will do, anything for his family This was a laugh out loud, amusing look at one such man, a self made man who came from poverty to working on cancer research in nuclear medicine, a man who has blunt advice for his son of most any occasion.So needed this amusing book after my last read, so thanks to my GR friends who posted their reviews and brought this book to my attention.

  5. says:

    While browsing the library for a book to read preferably a humorous one at that , I stumbled upon Justin Halpern s Sh t My Dad Says I then proceeded to open up the light read on a random page to see if it d capture my attention And it succeeded in making me laugh out loud with this one passage On Bob Saget s Demeanor While Hosting America s Funniest Home Videos Remember that face That s the face of a man who hates himself What follows is a book that delivers pretty much everything I ve been seeking laugh out loud funny anecdotes, family, cursing, and so much .Here are a couple gems I d like to share On How to Tell When a Workout Is Complete I just did an hour on the gym machine I m sweaty, and I have to shit Where s my fanny pack This workout is over On Chivalry Give your mother the front seat I don t give a shit if she said you could have it, that s what she s supposed to do, and you re supposed to say, No, I insist You think I m gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine year old in the front You re a crazy son of a bitch But the true key to fully enjoying this book was listening to it on audio which is, by the way, only three hours long The narrator, Sean Schemmel, does this hilarious deep voice that perfectly captures the anger, frustration, and love behind the dad s words This read wouldn t have been as laugh out loud funny without the audio format for me But I do have to note that Schemmel s choice of using a high pitched voice for the female characters was absurd and completely threw me out of the story, so I tried to tune that out as much as possible.On another note, getting to read about Justin Halpern s relationship with his dad, who s a rather blunt individual, and sharing his quotes and quips, surprisingly evoked a wide range of reactions From laughing at one section to being moved deeply by another, I was never short of experiencing numerous emotions throughout my reading experience.One part that stuck out, in particular, was this breakfast shared with his father at Denny s Dad, can you please get to the point you re trying to make I don t want to talk about this the whole breakfast with all these people around us, I said, as I looked to my left and right, indicating that people were listening and that it was embarrassing for me.He paused and looked around the restaurant, and then right at the college kids next to us, who quickly glanced away You give a shit what all these people think, huh Even though you never met a goddamned one of them, he said Sam Halpern really made me shift my whole view with just the one sentence You give a shit what all these people think, huh Even though you never met a goddamned one of them, And on said though, that will no doubt be playing over and over in my head, I ll end my review for this noteworthy book I m beyond glad to have listened to If you re looking for a swift and comical read that ll have you laughing out loud, Sh t My Dad Says is the one Note I m an Affiliate If you re interested in buying Sh t My Dad, just click on the image below to go through my link I ll make a small commission Support creators you love Buy a Coffee for nat bookspoils with Ko fi.com bookspoils

  6. says:

    2016 Genre Challenge Non FictionThis book was funny, or it had some laugh out loud moments But I think I went into expecting something a little different I guess reading the blurb, I thought it would be about a twenty something guy living with his seventy four year old father and the antics of an older gentleman In reality, this book was about the authors father and everything he remembers his father saying as he was growing up It s like a reverse my child s funniest phrases book For me, it was just alright.

  7. says:

    To echo what others have said this book is hilarious It s also sweet and touching Justin s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault He s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind He also loves his family to distraction Justin s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team Here are a few quotes which are NOT the funniest in the book but one s that are relatively lacking in four letter words On Getting an Internship at Quentin Tarantino s Production Company That is one ugly son of a gun..Oh, yeah, no congratulations If you see him, try not to stare at his face if you ve eaten anything After Justin moves out You just barge in and take whatever you want, whenever you want it It s like you re the G D SS I m living in f Nazi Germany At the End of the Day, at Least You a Have a Family So, there you go Your mother thinks you re handsome This should be an exciting day for you On a hypothesized life of crime You always got us We re family We ain t going anywhere Unless you go on a f killing spree or something I would still love you Justy I would just want to know why you did it, my mom said earnestly.All these quotes can seem a bit over the top when you read them out of context but they never come across as glib or hate filled..just honest Justin was the youngest of three sons and the last chapter of the book is the story of one of Justin s love affairs gone awry and his dad comforting by telling the story of his first wife s life and death The best thing about this book, besides the humor of course, is the emotional honestly.

  8. says:

    How fabulous was that I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn t expecting it to be so touching I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person Though he is really direct, I was shocked at how kind and loving Sam Halpern was Hilarious and supportive, that is how I would describe him This book was like a humorous lesson in valuing family As a parent, I related to SO much of this story And as a kid of parents who are still very much involved in my life, I also related to Justin, too I really got the dynamic between Sam and Justin, and I found myself smiling and nodding along the entire time I was listening As an audiobook, this was excellent Sean Schemmel, really killed the narration, getting all of the characters voices perfectly and with nice inflection and cadence This was a super easy listen, perfect for when you are kind of busy and can t focus on a long story, but still want something to entertain you High recommended.

  9. says:

    Snausages I ve been eating dog treats Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is Fuck it, they re delicious I will not be shamed by this This is Sam Halpern, father of Justin Halpern, the author He s very blunt and unapologetic I don t need friends You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move Fuck that I m old I m through moving this shit He cares deeply about his son s welfare Don t touch that knife You never need to be holding a knife I don t give a shit, learn how to butter stuff with a spoon He also loves his wife, though perhaps not in a Hallmark sense Give your mother the front seat I don t give a shit if she said you could have it, that s what she s supposed to do, and you re supposed to say, No, I insist You think I m gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine year old in the front You re a crazy son of a bitch He has very strong opinions on yard work and pretty much everything On Yard Work What are you doing with that rake No, that is not raking What Different styles of raking No there is one style, and then there is bullshit Guess which one you re doing On Asking to Have the Candy Passed to Me During Schindler s List What do you want the candy They re throwing people in the fucking gas chamber, and you want a Skittles On Sharing I m sorry, but if your brother doesn t want you to play with his shit, then you can t play with it It s his shit If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that s his right You always have the right to be an asshole you just shouldn t use that right very often In short, we should all worship Sam Halpern and heed his sage wisdom.

  10. says:

    The idea for Sh t My Dad Says was first introduced to the world by author Justin Halpern when he began posting quotes from his father online Buoyed by the overwhelming popularity of the posts, he put the stream of sagacity down into an expanded book form and this was published in 2010 Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don t realize until later it s because it fucked you Profane, sometimes vulgar, but very, very funny Halpern fills this book with quotes he and his family heard from his father, a cancer researcher in San Diego Most quotes are simply introduced by a setting, such as On Lego s Listen, I don t want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit Other times, Halpern begins with the quote and then provides a detailed backstory to give the citation context I found these vignettes the most entertaining While his father s wit and wisdom are clearly the star of the show, Halpern is a good writer and he fills in the gaps well Your penis betrayed you, son Made you think stupid It won t be the last time that happens Actually, what made me really like this was the juxtaposition Dr Halpern s world view has with our current, mamby pamby, watered down political correctness Raised in rural Kentucky, served in the military during Vietnam, the elder Halpern is an atavistic old school tough guy who raised himself and his family up from poverty by working hard and smart Much of his witticisms are focused on the need to impart to his son the necessity of hard work and sharing tough lessons of common sense and practicality You worry too much Eat some baconwhat No, I got no idea if it ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon Very funny, often laugh out loud funny, I very much enjoyed this and recommend it highly.

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